This is my country, Malaysia.

A 28 year-old man who raped an 8 year-old girl had his sentence reduced from 25 years to 15 years.  The judge’s justification?  That it would be hard for him to adjust back to life in society after such a long prison term.

This is what you get when you have a nation that stinks of corruption at every corner.

At 28 years of age, if he hasn’t figured out that it is wrong to rape – and that too, an 8 year-old – he’s never going to get it.  He is not fit to be a member of society.

That child who was raped, she has a longer sentence than 15 or even 25 years.  She will carry hurt with her for a long time to come.  I have personally witnessed the quality of the government-issued counsellors who will be assigned to help the child through her dilemma.  Most of them wouldn’t recognize a psychological problem if it danced around naked in front of them.  This child will not be treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  That much I can guarantee.

By reducing his sentence, what message are we sending out to other rapists?  What message are sending out to those who have suffered rape?

My heart goes out to that 8 year-old child.  The journey that now awaits her, is by far too big to be borne alone by a child.  In a culture that blames the victims for the rape, this child is being initiated into the hallway of pain and prejudice that will dominate her world, until some day she fights and rises above it all.

You can read this article here:  Child rapist gets sentence reduced

The 1-In-100 Warrior Award

Miro awarded me the 1-in-100 Warrior Award (you can see this here: The 1-in-100 Warrior Award ).

Here, I share his words about what he sees in me:

“My nomination for the first 1-in-100 Warrior Award is a person who has inspired me greatly because of the grace she has chosen to display in the face of struggles and challenges she has endured and conquered. And make no mistake about it, grace is always a choice, not a reaction. The greater the challenge, the greater the courage required to make that choice. Suneetra is courage personified. She has chosen to not only survive her hardships, but thrive. She’s 1-in-100, and we are lucky to have her: http://sacrilegeofthegoddess.wordpress.com/“

I wrote a response to Miro, that I would like to share here, because I wrote it sincerely from my heart:

“Miro, I am so touched by your recognition.

I have walked my path alone for so many years, having carried with me the memories of a life lived in pain. I have been sexually abused, raped, neglected and threatened with murder – but I always found within me, this unknown energy to keep going. I wanted to live. I wanted to love. I wanted to be loved.

Today, as I walk my path, I am no longer alone. My feet are no longer bruised and worn out, my shoulders no longer weighed down with burden. I live. I love. I am loved. That unknown energy still is within me, it still keeps me going. Where it was once merely the tiniest flicker of light, now it is a full-blown, all-consuming fire. Every person who has supported me on my journey; every person who has walked alongside me with my hand in theirs; every person who assisted the transformation of that abused child into the woman I am now, has helped that fire grow. You have been one of them. Through your inspirational words and belief in a better tomorrow, you have helped the fire grow. This fire now lights my path in the darkness that engulfs the lives of other survivors of abuse and rape. This fire now radiates a warmth that removes the chills of memories past, for others who are seeking a life free of pain. This fire now illuminates both myself and those who have joined hands with me so greatly, that others in the darkness can see the flames, even if from a distance it might seem like the tiniest flicker of light, as it once seemed to me.

This fire has a name. HOPE.

Thank you for sharing this journey with me, Miro.”

What are we REALLY saying to our children?

Actions speak louder than words.

We tell our children that violence against women is wrong.  They hear our words.  Then they look at our actions.  Do we live the words we speak?

The night before the Grammys in 2009, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna.  At the Grammys 2012, he gets to perform twice AND he wins a Grammy.  Some say people deserve a second chance.  My question is, does everyone deserve a second chance?  In his acceptance speech, he expressed no remorse over his actions.  Later that night, he tweeted: “HATE ALL YOU WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now!  That’s the ultimate FUCK OFF”.  This tweet has since been deleted, but you can view it here at the Twitter graveyard: Chris Brown Tweet.  Here are some other tweets by girls who are fans of Chris Brown, compiled on the ever-reliable page, Epic Fail: Chris Brown Tweets Fail.

Bobby Brown was arrested for beating Whitney Houston in 2003.  He has also been charged with beating women besides his then-wife.  He is still celebrated and is currently touring with New Edition.  At his concert last week, after expressing how much he loved Whitney, he concluded by saying, “My name is badass Bobby Brown,” to the delight of the audience (You can read this here: Bobby Brown’s Tribute to Whitney).

Rapper Eminem, famous for his misogynist lyrics, frequently engages in acts on-stage that are depictions of violence against women.  He has been known to beat up feminine blow-up dolls on stage, with the crowd cheering.  His ex-wife claims that his lyrics are directed towards her and the blow-up dolls are made to look like her (You can read about this here: Kim Mathers on Eminem).  While this may be true or not, it is of greater concern that he is on stage and on the radio depicting violence against women.

The popular music industry is saturated with references to violence against women.  Lyrics are littered with words such as Ike Turner (whose name has become synonymous with wife-beating, based on what he had done to Tina Turner), ‘bitches’ and ‘whore’ (or rather, ‘hoe’).  Many popular music videos focus on female bodies only, with cameras drawing our eyes to individual body parts, while males are depicted as powerful through symbols of status (fancy cars, flashy jewellery, etc).  Children are spending increasing amounts of time on popular media, and less with their parents.  Recent research shows that 8 – 18 year olds spend an average of 7 hours and 38  minutes DAILY on entertainment media.  In this time, the activity they engage in the most is listening to popular music (you can read this research article here: Daily Media Use Among Teens and Children).

Children are learning about the world, through what they are exposed to.  What they are exposed to, is digested as the norm.  What they are exposed to, plays a significant role in who they become.  What they are exposed to, is our responsibility.  This is our world, it is our responsibility.

I will leave you with these lyrics from DMX, multi-platinum American rapper:

“I’m comin’ in the house and I’m gunnin’ for your spouse,

Tryin’ to send the bitch back to her maker,

And if you got a daughter older than 15, I’ma rape her,

Take her on the living room floor, right there in front of you,

Then ask you seriously, whatcha wanna do?”

 

Junk People by Miro

Junk People

I have had to leave behind the people who were draining me, pulling me down.  Yes, there was some guilt, but I would have felt greater guilt had I allowed them to continue holding me away from my dreams.

Sometimes you may feel the path you have chosen is a lonely one.  It is better to be lonely and journeying towards an end goal, then to be part of a group that is without an aim, as you hurtle down the passage of time rapidly towards your death.

The mind is your garden.  Tend to it well and it will yield a harvest of the most celebrated flowers.

To Joe Paterno

This piece was written by a brave woman who is not afraid to put her face out there as a survivor of rape because of the silence of Joe Paterno, a man so many people have celebrated.  Hats off to her for her spunk and courage.  Let’s break the silence of rape NOW!

F**k Joe Paterno

Rape and War

Rape is so commonly accepted as a part of war.  Should it be?

Gloria Steinem shares her thoughts.  I highly recommend reading this, and would love to hear your feedback on this.

Gloria Steinem on Rape in War

The Burden of a Grudge

I carry a burden.  I have carried it for so long now, that I cannot remember the lightness of not being weighed down.  I have carried it for so long now, that I want to put it down and walk away.  I have carried it for so long now, that I am mad at myself for not being able to let go of it.

Some of the comments to my previous post on the confession of a rapist, stirred my mind into exploring the dimensions of forgiveness.  I want to forgive.  I just don’t know how to.

If I stole your car – not because I needed it, not because I was going to sell it to feed my starving children, not because of any other factor EXCEPT that I could steal it – how would you feel?  Now if you challenged me and I denied it outright, although we both know you saw me stealing your car, how would you feel?  If you knew I felt nothing for you or the pain that I caused you, how would you feel?

Think about it.  I know that you know what I did.  I will not admit to it.

What are you going to do?  You can’t forgive me if I won’t allow you to.  You are left with the burden of pain that no one will claim.

Yet, the cruel truth of it all, is that you need to forgive, to move on.