This is what you get when you have a nation that stinks of corruption at every corner.

At 28 years of age, if he hasn’t figured out that it is wrong to rape – and that too, an 8 year-old – he’s never going to get it.  He is not fit to be a member of society.

That child who was raped, she has a longer sentence than 15 or even 25 years.  She will carry hurt with her for a long time to come.  I have personally witnessed the quality of the government-issued counsellors who will be assigned to help the child through her dilemma.  Most of them wouldn’t recognize a psychological problem if it danced around naked in front of them.  This child will not be treated for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  That much I can guarantee.

By reducing his sentence, what message are we sending out to other rapists?  What message are sending out to those who have suffered rape?

My heart goes out to that 8 year-old child.  The journey that now awaits her, is by far too big to be borne alone by a child.  In a culture that blames the victims for the rape, this child is being initiated into the hallway of pain and prejudice that will dominate her world, until some day she fights and rises above it all.

You can read this article here:  Child rapist gets sentence reduced

Here, I share his words about what he sees in me:

“My nomination for the first 1-in-100 Warrior Award is a person who has inspired me greatly because of the grace she has chosen to display in the face of struggles and challenges she has endured and conquered. And make no mistake about it, grace is always a choice, not a reaction. The greater the challenge, the greater the courage required to make that choice. Suneetra is courage personified. She has chosen to not only survive her hardships, but thrive. She’s 1-in-100, and we are lucky to have her: http://sacrilegeofthegoddess.wordpress.com/“

I wrote a response to Miro, that I would like to share here, because I wrote it sincerely from my heart:

Actions speak louder than words.

We tell our children that violence against women is wrong.  They hear our words.  Then they look at our actions.  Do we live the words we speak?

The night before the Grammys in 2009, Chris Brown beat up Rihanna.  At the Grammys 2012, he gets to perform twice AND he wins a Grammy.  Some say people deserve a second chance.  My question is, does everyone deserve a second chance?  In his acceptance speech, he expressed no remorse over his actions.  Later that night, he tweeted: “HATE ALL YOU WANT BECUZ I GOT A GRAMMY Now!  That’s the ultimate FUCK OFF”.  This tweet has since been deleted, but you can view it here at the Twitter graveyard: Chris Brown Tweet.  Here are some other tweets by girls who are fans of Chris Brown, compiled on the ever-reliable page, Epic Fail: Chris Brown Tweets Fail.

Bobby Brown was arrested for beating Whitney Houston in 2003.  He has also been charged with beating women besides his then-wife.  He is still celebrated and is currently touring with New Edition.  At his concert last week, after expressing how much he loved Whitney, he concluded by saying, “My name is badass Bobby Brown,” to the delight of the audience (You can read this here: Bobby Brown’s Tribute to Whitney).

Rapper Eminem, famous for his misogynist lyrics, frequently engages in acts on-stage that are depictions of violence against women.  He has been known to beat up feminine blow-up dolls on stage, with the crowd cheering.  His ex-wife claims that his lyrics are directed towards her and the blow-up dolls are made to look like her (You can read about this here: Kim Mathers on Eminem).  While this may be true or not, it is of greater concern that he is on stage and on the radio depicting violence against women.

The popular music industry is saturated with references to violence against women.  Lyrics are littered with words such as Ike Turner (whose name has become synonymous with wife-beating, based on what he had done to Tina Turner), ‘bitches’ and ‘whore’ (or rather, ‘hoe’).  Many popular music videos focus on female bodies only, with cameras drawing our eyes to individual body parts, while males are depicted as powerful through symbols of status (fancy cars, flashy jewellery, etc).  Children are spending increasing amounts of time on popular media, and less with their parents.  Recent research shows that 8 – 18 year olds spend an average of 7 hours and 38  minutes DAILY on entertainment media.  In this time, the activity they engage in the most is listening to popular music (you can read this research article here: Daily Media Use Among Teens and Children).

Children are learning about the world, through what they are exposed to.  What they are exposed to, is digested as the norm.  What they are exposed to, plays a significant role in who they become.  What they are exposed to, is our responsibility.  This is our world, it is our responsibility.

I will leave you with these lyrics from DMX, multi-platinum American rapper:

“I’m comin’ in the house and I’m gunnin’ for your spouse,

Tryin’ to send the bitch back to her maker,

And if you got a daughter older than 15, I’ma rape her,

Take her on the living room floor, right there in front of you,

Then ask you seriously, whatcha wanna do?”

I have had to leave behind the people who were draining me, pulling me down.  Yes, there was some guilt, but I would have felt greater guilt had I allowed them to continue holding me away from my dreams.

Sometimes you may feel the path you have chosen is a lonely one.  It is better to be lonely and journeying towards an end goal, then to be part of a group that is without an aim, as you hurtle down the passage of time rapidly towards your death.

The mind is your garden.  Tend to it well and it will yield a harvest of the most celebrated flowers.

F**k Joe Paterno

Gloria Steinem shares her thoughts.  I highly recommend reading this, and would love to hear your feedback on this.

Gloria Steinem on Rape in War

Some of the comments to my previous post on the confession of a rapist, stirred my mind into exploring the dimensions of forgiveness.  I want to forgive.  I just don’t know how to.

If I stole your car – not because I needed it, not because I was going to sell it to feed my starving children, not because of any other factor EXCEPT that I could steal it – how would you feel?  Now if you challenged me and I denied it outright, although we both know you saw me stealing your car, how would you feel?  If you knew I felt nothing for you or the pain that I caused you, how would you feel?

Think about it.  I know that you know what I did.  I will not admit to it.

What are you going to do?  You can’t forgive me if I won’t allow you to.  You are left with the burden of pain that no one will claim.

Yet, the cruel truth of it all, is that you need to forgive, to move on.

I have a Bachelor’s of Science in Psychology, and the theoretical framework that I used for my undergraduate thesis was evolutionary psychology.  Evolutionary psychology is the application of the principles of evolution, to behaviour – the more a behaviour is beneficial, the more likely it is to pass on.  As such, our behaviour as it is today, is probably because it was beneficial to our ancestors.  For example, social behaviour evolved in humans because it increased our survival as a group, giving us the protection we needed from predators.

There is a difference between science, however, and whimsical fancies.  A huge difference.  A random assortment of facts strung together does not make a scientific theory, just as the random piling of bricks does not make a house.

I have two problems with the theory that men are born to rape, because it is beneficial evolutionarily.

1)  Men who rape are violent, and threaten the fabric of togetherness that holds together the human being as a social species.  If society is threatened and our social processes that are set in place fail, then we as a species will fail.  We cannot survive individually – we do not have the claws and teeth, the strength and defenses, that our fellow inhabitants of this earth have.  We have intelligence, and this is beneficial when we live together.  The cooperatively that has led us to where we are now, is the beneficial trait evolutionarily.  Not the selfishness of the rapist.

2)  Men, humans, are more than just the mute slaves of their genetics.  There are many evolutionary justifications for all kinds of behaviour – aren’t we more than what our genetics intend for us to be?  Many humans are imbued with a sense of morality that dictates his/her behaviour.  It is this morality, this capacity for so much good (and not the opposite) that distinguishes humans as unique.  Imagine not, that we are slaves of the gene.

That men are born to rape is an insult both to men and to humanity at large.  The line between science and pseudo-science is becoming dangerously blurred, and the price we may have to pay for it, is too high.  There is danger in introducing the idea that it is beneficial to be violent, to take what does not belong to one, to receive and not give.  Science is meant to be a beacon that lights the path to the future, not take away from it.

Read this article here: Born to Rape?

As I read his words, I looked within myself to see what I felt.  Here is a man who acknowledges his wrong-doing, something that none of my rapists or abusers have done.  I find a strange sense of forgiveness that enters me, as I read the words of this anonymous man.  I can feel his remorse, and his resolve to be a better person.  Is that all we, as victims, are looking for?

The men who have raped me, the family members who have abused and sexually abused me, none of them have acknowledged any of their wrongdoing.  I want to forgive them, but I find that I can’t, for quite simply, they are not sorry, are they?  How can you forgive someone who is not sorry for the wrongs they have committed?  How can you forgive someone who you know will continue to hurt you given the chance?

I respect this man for coming out and acknowledging the wrong that he has perpetrated.  I respect him for changing his ways.  I do not think that he is absolved of the debt of pain he caused upon the woman he raped, however.  What do you think?

Read his story here:

I raped a woman

Here is the article that appeared in the Sin Chew Jit Poh papers:

Sin Chew